I was such a good parent before I had kids

"I am setting the timer for 10 minutes.  Whoever is not ready, does not go the hockey game." This is how we begin most trips out of our house.  It is a source of huge frustration for me. It should be simple, pick a time to leave, put coats on put shoes on and go...Yeah right.  For some reason, when I say its time to get ready, my family (husband included) think it means stand around, or in the case of the children run around in all different directions until I have the baby ready and my stuff on. Then they choose that moment to go to the bathroom, put the dog out, get coats on, etc. Then I get blamed for holding everyone up.  Its true I am always the last one out of the house because  I am cleaning the kitchen, making sure the pets are locked downstairs and getting the baby ready. I try to give my family the ten minute warning--which as I said my family thinks it means wait until the ten minutes are up and then get ready..Sigh

Tonight was going to be our third night out of the house--we were going to a hockey game about an hour drive from Timmins. Jeff and I agreed we would leave at 6.  We had dinner at 5 and the kids even helped clean up. We did not tell them about the game until the 10 minute warning. They were super excited.  My son to my surprise got ready, but my wonderful two year old decided instead to strip her clothes off and run around naked. The timer of course went off, and my son actually asked for an extension for his sister so she could get ready.  Despite repeated warnings for my daughter to get dressed and some raised voices I finally convinced Jeff to go without her. My two year old managed to delay departure time until 6:30.  Now its 7 pm beautifully light out and warm and I would like to go for a walk..but I have a naked two year old to contend with. Double sigh.

Its situations like this that make me question my parenting skills and my sanity.  On one hand, I know I have to stick to what I said, and my girl did not get ready so she did not go. In fact she should not have had a half hour of chances but Jeff was reluctant to leave because he wanted to give me some quiet time by taking our older two.  He took the baby so once my two year old goes to sleep I should have the quiet time.  As a natural consequence of not getting ready my middle child missed the hockey game.  Good discipline, right? Except that she is not upset about missing the game.  In fact there were no tears, nothing.  Of course she is not upset. Now she has mommy all to herself (or at least she will when I am done writing this). Smart girl.

Is it too early to admit defeat? Is it wrong to admit that as much as she frustrates me I am secretly proud?  I love her persistence and stubbornness--when it doesn't affect me--It is what will take her far in life and hopefully she will never give up until she achieves her goals and dreams but right now, it sucks.   This child is truly smarter than me.  I have no idea how to impose a natural consequence without inadvertently rewarding the behavior. Triple sigh.  The star chart is working very well for our oldest child, but my clever two year old has decided she does not want or need stars. She does respond when her favorite bear is taken away, but if I am afraid if I do that too often she will just decide she doesn't need bear anyway.

I used to be smart. Before I had kids, I read books, I subscribe to theories--I have always liked the attachment theory of parenting. We talked about discipline, I knew exactly how I would handle my kids when they misbehaved.  I was so smart, so informed that I even knew what other parents were doing wrong. I would see them ignoring their kids in the mall, or yelling in a restaurant and I would  feel sorry those people couldn't handle their kids. Now I will consider myself lucky if I am not bailing one of my monsters out of jail in a few years. I was such a better parent before I had kids.

Decisions, Decisions....

I am currently enjoying the off key sounds of  "O Canada" as I sit here to write this.  I don't think my son is going to win "American Idol" anytime soon. Every once in a while my daughter joins in with a chorus of "Daaaaaddddeeeeee!!!!"  They are in bed not sleeping because in a moment of weakness I allowed them to share a slushie at supper.  So naturally I have two hyper children who are grudgingly in their beds but are singing themselves to sleep. Sigh.

It seemed like such a good idea that the time.  Get out of the house for a while, have supper at the food court and while we are at the mall, get marbles for the new reward chart we started with the kids.  Simple right? I should have gone myself alone, but I told the kids if they earned their first marbles then we could go and get the marbles together.  They had great behavior on the weekend, so we decided to go today after school. We also picked the worst possible day weather wise, but since we only live a few blocks from the mall I didn't think it was a big deal.

Our adventure began trying to get out the door.  For my friends who have older kids, you might remember this, for my friends who have younger kids, any advice is welcome.  It takes us at least 30 min to get out the door.  There is a real science to getting out the door with kids.  The natural instinct is to get the kids ready, then get your coat on then go....But its not that easy.  By the time the last kid is ready the first kid is screaming cause she is hot (Sophie) and the second kid has stripped off the coat, hat and mittens so carefully applied and is working on her boots (Stella) and the third kid hasn't even got his coat on...I have cancelled many a trip because we can't get out the door, Although even this is easier said then done because sometimes we have to go.

We did manage to pile into the Mackie bus and we made it to the mall.  Our first stop was the dollar store. We searched the dollar store for marbles to no avail.  My son suggested we go to Canadian Tire, but I wanted to stay at the mall so we could eat.  Surely, I thought some store in the mall would sell marbles.  I thought wrong.  We ate our supper at the food court and piled back in the van to go to Canadian Tire.  Success at last.  Now that we had the marbles, we needed jars to put the marbles in.  The kids were really into it.  We picked out these little condiment jars for them to hold their marbles (The slushies were kicking in by now, so I was starting to loose my marbles ). Back home we came. What should have taken an hour actually took 3.

We skipped the baths and the kids rushed into their jammies so they could put their hard earned marbles into their new jars.  How do they earn marbles you ask?  Well, we have implemented a star chart for the kids, similar to the technique used in Jonas' class.  Every day the kids have a chance to earn a star for doing certain things like getting ready in the morning (Jonas), cleaning up and staying in bed at night (Stella) every time the kids get three stars, they earn a marble.  When they get 10 marbles they get a prize--Jonas' first prize will be a clock radio. I know what you are thinking and I have the same dilemma. I shouldn't bribe my kids to get them to behave. On the other hand, I am trying to build self esteem and reward the behavior I want to see.  Plus it beats screaming at them all the time (My throat is getting sore). So far so good, they are really into it. Also it gives me something to take away when they don't behave, like for example, they are told to go sleep and they are singing and yelling instead.....

This is the decision I am currently struggling with, whether to take away a star (and therefore a marble because then they haven't got three stars today) and risk the fights and the temper tantrums (which will keep the kids up even later) or just let them sing themselves to sleep because after all they are in bed, and staying there at least for now. We narrowly avoided a melt down when Stella's brand new marble jar broke because she was shaking it.  Then apparently the jar we bough for Jonas did not make it out of the cart and is probably still sitting at the cash register at Canadian Tire. So we are using two old mason jars I had in the cupboard.  Yeah, I know I could have save myself a lot of time and effort if I had just looked in the damn cupboard first and if I had just decided to use stickers instead of marbles (That would have been a lot quieter too).

Lucky for me I have kids who are easily amused.  They had a great time with us, and were pretty excited about their marbles, despite the broken jar, the missing jar.  Of course that could just be the slushie high talking and they will be miserable tomorrow. For now I am going to let them enjoy. At least I got out of the house and did not have to cook dinner.  If you are wondering, Jeff and I had subway salads at the food court.  I was very tempted by A&W but I am 20 lbs down now and want to keep going strong.  I did however have a couple of bites of the kid's pizza.....

Hello Darkness My Old Friend...

Hear my words that I might teach you; Take my arms that I might reach you
                                --Simon and Garfunkel

I know you are there.  I see you have come to visit me once again. I was beginning to think you weren't coming. Silly me, I should have known you couldn't stay away.  We have been through a lot together. You have been there for so many of my major milestones--Its hard for me to remember when we met.  It was probably back when I was a plucky young nursing student who did not believe you really exist.  I thought you were made up by drug companies to sell medication. You appeared from nowhere and you must of liked me cause you stuck around. When my grandfather died and when I failed out of nursing school and stayed on the couch for two months you were there waiting in the shadows, so quiet I did not know you were there.

You were there when I became a mom for the first time, again so quiet  I really did not know you were there. I did not feel sad, just angry. I thought every new mom gets frustrated and angry and hates their husbands from time to time. I should have known it was you after all, I read about you, people asked about you during the early weeks, but you cleverly waited until after the six week check up to appear.  You also would go away and come back that I did not realize you were there, silly me.

By the time my second child came you had enough of being quiet. You decided to make your presence known.  I was not expecting you so I was not ready when you made your grand entrance.  I dismissed the thoughts I had of dropping my baby daughter down the stairs as "just one of those things"  When I thought about stabbing my son, I figured it was because I was standing in the kitchen putting away the knives and he happened to be there.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think it was you.  That's how good you were at insinuating yourself into my life I never knew you were there. I thought all mothers had crazy thoughts from time to time.  All mothers lie awake at night unable to sleep because they are convinced their babies will stop breathing if they fall asleep. God forbid I should leave the room while my child is sleeping, she might suffocate while I am gone.  New mothers have a lot to worry about and you made sure I worried about every single thing.  You made me afraid to bathe my children because every time they were in the tub I would think about them drowning accidentally, then I would think about drowning them.  You made sure that even when things were good I couldn't enjoy it because I was too guilty for my bad thoughts and I was too worried about how to avoid you.

I tried to run away from you, but that didn't work. You came with me, didn't you?  Always with me. I tried to wish you away, I tried to exercise you away, I tried to eat my way away from you.  Even the medication did not make you go away.  So I learned to live with you, I stopped fighting you, stopped worrying about you.  I had help of course, and with time and therapy you gradually went away. One day I turned around and you were gone.  Can't really say I missed you, it was much more like good riddance.

Now I am a mom for the third time and you have come back.  You know what? that's ok.  Its the middle of winter and I know you have lots of people to visit.  Thank you for giving me four glorious months with my daughter, where I haven't had to think about you once.  Now I worry that when I loose my temper its because of you, when I am sad, I will wonder if I am just sad or if it is because of you.  You are the master of making people worry, aren't you? I think this time you will find a different person than you did last time, for I have learned (the hard way) that it is not me, its you.  Despite your best efforts, I am a good mom and I have people who love me.  I have three amazing kids and you don't make me love them any less.  I know the more I talk about you, write about you the less power you will have over me.  When you went away last time, I saw the joy in my kids. They went from annoying to adorable (well most of the time :) ) So I say to you now, bring it on. I know that you won't be around all that long.  This time I know you are there and you will not take my kids mom, not again.

                                                Silence like a cancer grows
                                                                   ---Simon and Garfunkel

For everyone dealing with depression, please talk to someone. It doesn't have to get worse from here. For my mommy friends, check out this link:
http://www.helpformom.ca/

If Only I had known then...

As  I sit here listening to my children crying and calling "Mommy"  I am fighting the urge to do two things. My first instinct is go up there, find out what is wrong and fix it so they can go to sleep (They have been in bed crying now for about an hour). But that would just teach them that crying and persistence pays off.  My second instinct is to go up there, scream at the top of my lungs and give them the mother of all spankings, but then I would just have to listen to more crying (and probably louder).  So I will sit here writing this and ignoring the cries as all good moms do.  I am reminded of a piece I wrote on Jeff's blog when Jonas was 11 months old, and I figured I would repost it, because it still applies whether you have one child or three.  This is for all my first time mom friends (the things your friends never told you) and all my experienced mom friends..remember when we thought we knew what we were doing?  Don't you wish someone would have told you?  Enjoy!!
 I would like to share with you the top 10 things I wish someone had told me about having a baby (in no
particular order):

1. Your hips stay that size--yep, your hip hugger jeans will be a long time fitting again...Now I know why moms wear mom jeans

2. Having a baby makes you hate your husband--I don't know if its hormones, but one day you look at him and think--Wow! how could I marry someone like him (Don't worry though, it passes--eventually. Right, Jeff honey :) )

3. Your stomach will look like a 3D road map-complete with canyons and rivers

4. Your normally wonderful parents turn into grandparents!!--Ok I knew that one, but still I was not prepared for such wisdom as "Your baby cant tell you when hes cold" and "I used to worry about you and the baby but then I realized your are not a complete idiot and probably won't screw up too much"--Love you too, mom

5. Fundal Massage is not nearly as fun as it sounds

6. Your biggest joy will be when your baby stops pooing green

7. You will proudly wear baby vomit/urine/feeces as though they were the latest acessory--Lets see Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian  top that!

8. You will never have sex again--see points 2 and 3

9. Sleep is for idiots

10. When the sun finally shines again, you will shut the blinds and go to sleep.


My love and praise to all the Mommies out there!! As a wise friend once said, Mommies are the best!

The Honeymoon is over...(Eating Clean can suck it)

Well my friends it has happened.  I think we all knew it would sooner or later.  I have hit a wall with the new eating plan.  I can admit it now, it sucks.  The first week I felt awesome and I lost 5 pounds...even more awesome.  Second week I felt great and lost another 5 pounds..even greater.  Then in the third week I cheated a bit and did not loose any weight. I also started to feel not so great, and this the end of week 4 I have not lost weight and I feel like crap.  Sigh.

On the bright side, we are still eating healthy colorful dinners.  The problem is, I am spending hours in the kitchen.  Tonight supper took me an hour and a half to prepare.  The kicker is it was fish.  Who the heck spends an hour and half on fish? While it was tasty, it was not filling and now I am eating a bedtime snack (which is allowed under the plan).  I have also just spent and hour making my grocery list for our weekly shop tomorrow.  Grocery shopping used to take us--or Jeff and the kids I should say cause they were the ones doing it--about an hour.  Now it takes two hours and that is with us dividing up the list.  The list is long and because we shop at an inexpensive grocery store,  it is hard to find substitutes for the ingredients not available at that store.  If we do the shopping at a store where we can buy things like Quinoa, Tahani and Mori Nu tofu, we end up spending well over $300.  I am also bummed because I found out last night on a TV show that the sandwich meat I was buying is not as healthy as I thought.  I don't want to name any product, but there is a brand of meat which lists the ingredients as lemon juice, sea salt and cultured celery extract.  In case you don't know, cultured celery extract is just another name for nitrate. In fact this meat is no more healthy then the obviously bad for you kind.  Another Sigh.

So what is a slightly postpartum depressed--tired--hungry--sick of being in the kitchen--mom to do?  No I don't have time to go to three different stores to get the stuff I need ( This includes going to a store with a deli or an actual deli)  So no more lunch meat, Jonas will be so disappointed.  Peanut butter and jam is out too, as Jonas' school is seed and nut free.  Jonas will just have to survive on leftovers.  I have decided each week I will just buy a roast beef or a chicken, cook them in my crock pot and use that for Jonas' lunch meat.  I am also going to try cooking several things at the same time--like roasting beets for a later in the week salad when I bake the sweet potatoes for that nights meal.  I am hoping this will save time at least later
in the week.  I am also going to splurge on a veggie tray..They are obviously more expensive then buying whole veggies and cutting them yourself, but the time savings is valuable.  Plus, you have the advantage of always having fresh prepared food ready for a snack.  I am a huge fan of grab and go food.  It also helps to remember that it is just as easy to make a lot of something as it is to make a little.  In other words, its just as easy to cook nine chicken breasts as it is to make four, so the leftovers can be used in a salad, a wrap or my kids favourite on a pizza.  I am really open to other suggestions any of you may have to save time and money so please feel free to post your tips here or on my facebook page. If you prefer you can message me your tips and I will post them.

At the end of the day, I must remember that this is a lifestyle change, not a diet.  There is no going back.  I will find a way to balance what little time I have with preparing most of what we eat from scratch.  It is definitely a learning curve, but we will keep on trucking--sardines and all.

New Year, New Me...Again

 Happy New Year!! I know I am late in wishing everyone a happy new year.  I for one am glad that January is over.  I hate January.  Its cold, its dark and its the longest time before the next Christmas.  I have been trying over the years to see January not as a bleak dark month, but rather a time for rebirth, for self improvement and a time to learn and grow.  Over the last couple of years I have started a new journey each January that usually ends in February.  Last year, I decided that I wanted to be more social and entertain more so I decided to become a Pampered Chef consultant.  Then I got pregnant, and the morning sickness left me unable to even look at the food in the catalogue let alone prepare it.  The year before last, I decided exercising every day would be my project, my husband and I fired up the ninetendo wii every morning at 5am.  That went well until we decided we wanted to sell our house and move south...You get where I am going with this?

This year's "project" is once again on health and wellness.  This time the focus is on nutrition.  Four weeks ago my family--some by choice and some against their will--embarked on a "Clean Eating" journey.  "Clean Eating" is a book by Tosca Reno, that I admit we are following. I don't want to sound like a commercial for the book, but Jeff is down  15 pounds and I am down 10.  While we are following the meal plans in the book, I don't think the book has any real secrets. We all know that french fries, cheeseburgers and donuts are bad, as are refined sugar, flour,etc.  Basically natural is good, processed is bad. This is the basic theme of the book, along with eat 5-6 small meals a day and combine complex carbs and lean protein at every meal.  I don't really think a book is needed to tell you that information.  So then, if its common knowledge, why is it so hard for people to loose weight?

Then answer is I don't really know.  I am sure it is different for each person.  Change is hard and old habits really do die hard.  I don't think its a lack of knowledge that trips us up, I think its more how to actually apply that knowledge in our lives.  When I first thought of doing this blog I wanted it to be like that movie where the woman made all of Julia Child's recipes and blogged about it--Except I wanted to blog about my experiences in healthy cooking (Now I realize that I don't want to limit myself to just diet and nutrition).  I am a person who doesn't make spaghetti because its too labor intensive.  I don't know what part of the fennel I am supposed to cook, or which part of the bok choy to sautee.  I am learning, mostly by trial and error and it is paying off.  So I hope that you will join me as I mess up recipes, eat sardine and spinach salads and share these experiences with you.

As for my kids--no I don't make separate meals for them, they eat what we eat, sauteed spinach and all. (Actually tonight's supper was pork tenderloin with baked sweet potato and pico de gallo)  They only eat about at quarter of what is on their plates and they have each lost a pound or two.  I should point out though that they only ever ate a quarter to a half of what was on the plate before, so don't worry my kids won't starve.  Well actually they might just be stubborn enough to starve, but I am pretty sure I and sauteed spinach will win--after all where do you think they got their stubbornness from?

Dental work +3 cying children = a LONG night....

"Someone get me outta here!!"  Thats the current refrain coming from my son's bedroom.  He is in bed. well he is supposed to be in bed, but I have a feeling that he is lying naked on his bedroom floor because he refused to put his pj's on.  So rather than fight with him, I did what any good parent would do and threw him in his room, threw the pjs at him and told him to get in to his bed.  Thats when daddy and I were treated to this lovely chorus of "Get me outta here". Sigh.

My Stellz is also in bed, crying cause she wants daddy.  I told her daddy isn't going to save her and if she doesn't stop Pink Bear (her prized possession) will go bye-bye.  Now I am listening to Stella crying and Jonas yelling. Not to be left out my little Sophie has decided to throw one of her random screaming fits.  On occasion my Sophie bear takes a notion to just start screaming for no apparent reason.  She will scream almost incessantly for anywhere from 1-3 hours, then just as randomly stop and be fine and happy for days.  She still manages to sleep 8-10 hours a night so don't feel too sorry for me.

By now you might be wondering how it all disintegrated into this.  Well, it started around supper time. I had 2 cavities filled this morning and when the freezing wore off, it was very painful.  Still have that prickly feeling that you get when you hear fingernails on a black board.  That meant that daddy had to take over the supper making duties. Now normally Jeff plays with the kids while make dinner, and let me tell you the kids were not happy with this role reversal.  Strike one. The kids did not get their usual daddy attention.  They did however have plenty of time to destroy my rec room, make screeching noises, and use the couch as a trampoline. 

Daddy made a wonderful supper and my starving family sat down to eat. (We had haddock with sweet potato risotto if you are wondering). Why were we starving?  Well three weeks ago we decided to follow a menu plan based on the principals from a book called "Eat Clean"  in other words, we decided to eat little or no processed foods, whole grains and tons of fruits and veggies, protein shakes, etc.  It is not calorie reduced, it its just combining lean protein with complex carbs at every meal and eating six times a day.  Anyway, my kids had somewhat of a revolt and mostly refuse their snacks and suppers.  I was hungry because of my dental work I couldnt eat all day so instead of five meals I had one and a protein shake. Hungry parents=grouchy parents and hungry kids=misbehaving kids. Strike two.

After dinner plain yogurt with bananas was served.  My kids love this because we let them cut or mash the banana in the yogurt themselves.  Also they might have still been  hungry because they only eat the meat part of dinner.  Now here is where I believe the evening went to hell in a hand basket.  Jeff was cleaning the kitchen, I was busy on the computer.  We were once again letting the children fend for themselves.  Unfortunately, we failed to notice that the kids were pretending to be cats and eating their yogurt with their faces.  As you can imagine, this resulted in a huge mess.  Strike three.

When asked to clean up the mess, my wonderful children called me a "bossy freeloader" and ran away.  Perhaps it was my pounding headache, my hunger, or the sight of the mess, but I lost it.  I yelled so loud that I hurt my throat.  Thats when we decided it was bedtime.  Bedtime in my house is around seven thirty or when I can no longer stand the sight of my kids.  So off we went to wash hands and brush teeth and get ready for bed.  I got so angry with them that I ended up sending them to bed and skipping the teeth brushing and hand washing,  Now I have dirty, tired children with rotten teeth.  And you know what?  I don't care.  All I know is I need to not be around them right now. 

Well what do you know? In the time it took me to write this the little monsters have gotten quiet, well except for the youngest monster she is still screaming her head off.  I am hoping this means the little boogers have gone to sleep and are not just taking a break from the yelling.  Sigh. It is going to be a long night...