I have long said that marriage is a bloodsport. I stand behind that sentiment. If you are not laughing or nodding your head in agreement right now, then you a) Haven't been married long enough or b) Don't have any kids or c) have super excellent kids that everyone envies. So if marriage is bloodsport, then raising kids is the Olympics of bloodsports.
Scratch that.
Raising kids is like walking through a mine field. You have to be always one step ahead and avoid pitfalls you don't see coming. Just when you think you have it all figured out BOOM!! it blows up in your face. Better get a helmet and a towel.
This could get messy.
Right now I am reading a parenting book that covers preschool to preteen (I read all the baby books I care to read during my first two pregnancies) I am not going to name the book, but I would like to share my thoughts on I am reading right now.
I am currently reading a chapter on discipline techniques. Yeah, I know. I can hear some of you groaning right now. I can hear at least one of you shouting, "Throw the book away!! A good swift swat on the backside ain't going to hurt!!" Well, actually it will hurt that's the point. I don't see what hitting my kids would teach them, except do as I say or I will hurt you. Might work now, but then when they are too old to hit, what then? (Yes I got that from the book).
The book I am reading is big on natural consequences and logical consequences. When I read this I was on board. It made sense. Teach kids that their actions have consequences and let them suffer those consequences. Then I tried to apply it, and BOOM!! Blew up right in my face. Good thing I have a towel. Natural consequences are easy when they are toddlers: rip a book and the book goes in the garbage and then no story time. Break something and it goes in the garbage then you don't have it anymore...But now that I have a school age child and a preschooler, natural logical consequences are extremely hard to enforce.
My precious book has abandoned me. It doesn't tell me what a natural consequence would be for a preschooler who for example, is put to bed, screams her head off, picks up the rubber mats on her floor (the colorful kind that has the alphabet letters in the middle) and gets her head stuck in the hole in the middle of the mat. In my mind the natural consequence would be to leave it there and let her suffer with the mat around her neck.
A word of advice: If your child gets his or her head stuck in something, don't leave them to suffer the natural consequence. Your little genius might end up trying to chew her way out, leaving you with a room that has little foam bits all over the floor and a child who is now crying cause her tummy hurts. Now we have bigger problems cause the crying from one child prompts the other child who was asleep to yell at both of us to be quiet. Which wakes the baby. Okay, Parenting Guru, what now?
Another piece of sound advice from the book is to avoid situations that trigger meltdowns. For example if your kid has a meltdown every time you go to the amusement park then your kid is not ready for the amusement park. Really? First off, how many times does this author assume parents go to an amusement park? Second, what kid has a meltdown at the amusement park? Kids are happy to go there. My kids have meltdowns at grocery stores, doctors offices, the car, in bed, you know places we have to go. Avoiding things that trigger meltdowns is fine if you avoid everything.
There is another way to avoid meltdowns, according to my book: Make sure your kids get adequate rest. Well duh. I know the reason we are having bedtime tantrums is because my preschooler is tired and exhausted. I let the child stay up late in order to avoid triggering a meltdown over bedtime. Which is it? Do I risk the tantrum at bedtime and enforce a bedtime I have no way of enforcing unless I stand constant guard (which is nearly impossible with a crying baby) or do I let the child burn out and crash wherever that happens to be?
The next time I am invited to a baby shower instead of a present or an oh-so-helpful-book I am going to get the mom to be a flak jacket, a helmet and a towel, no wait--two towels.
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