I was such a good parent before I had kids

"I am setting the timer for 10 minutes.  Whoever is not ready, does not go the hockey game." This is how we begin most trips out of our house.  It is a source of huge frustration for me. It should be simple, pick a time to leave, put coats on put shoes on and go...Yeah right.  For some reason, when I say its time to get ready, my family (husband included) think it means stand around, or in the case of the children run around in all different directions until I have the baby ready and my stuff on. Then they choose that moment to go to the bathroom, put the dog out, get coats on, etc. Then I get blamed for holding everyone up.  Its true I am always the last one out of the house because  I am cleaning the kitchen, making sure the pets are locked downstairs and getting the baby ready. I try to give my family the ten minute warning--which as I said my family thinks it means wait until the ten minutes are up and then get ready..Sigh

Tonight was going to be our third night out of the house--we were going to a hockey game about an hour drive from Timmins. Jeff and I agreed we would leave at 6.  We had dinner at 5 and the kids even helped clean up. We did not tell them about the game until the 10 minute warning. They were super excited.  My son to my surprise got ready, but my wonderful two year old decided instead to strip her clothes off and run around naked. The timer of course went off, and my son actually asked for an extension for his sister so she could get ready.  Despite repeated warnings for my daughter to get dressed and some raised voices I finally convinced Jeff to go without her. My two year old managed to delay departure time until 6:30.  Now its 7 pm beautifully light out and warm and I would like to go for a walk..but I have a naked two year old to contend with. Double sigh.

Its situations like this that make me question my parenting skills and my sanity.  On one hand, I know I have to stick to what I said, and my girl did not get ready so she did not go. In fact she should not have had a half hour of chances but Jeff was reluctant to leave because he wanted to give me some quiet time by taking our older two.  He took the baby so once my two year old goes to sleep I should have the quiet time.  As a natural consequence of not getting ready my middle child missed the hockey game.  Good discipline, right? Except that she is not upset about missing the game.  In fact there were no tears, nothing.  Of course she is not upset. Now she has mommy all to herself (or at least she will when I am done writing this). Smart girl.

Is it too early to admit defeat? Is it wrong to admit that as much as she frustrates me I am secretly proud?  I love her persistence and stubbornness--when it doesn't affect me--It is what will take her far in life and hopefully she will never give up until she achieves her goals and dreams but right now, it sucks.   This child is truly smarter than me.  I have no idea how to impose a natural consequence without inadvertently rewarding the behavior. Triple sigh.  The star chart is working very well for our oldest child, but my clever two year old has decided she does not want or need stars. She does respond when her favorite bear is taken away, but if I am afraid if I do that too often she will just decide she doesn't need bear anyway.

I used to be smart. Before I had kids, I read books, I subscribe to theories--I have always liked the attachment theory of parenting. We talked about discipline, I knew exactly how I would handle my kids when they misbehaved.  I was so smart, so informed that I even knew what other parents were doing wrong. I would see them ignoring their kids in the mall, or yelling in a restaurant and I would  feel sorry those people couldn't handle their kids. Now I will consider myself lucky if I am not bailing one of my monsters out of jail in a few years. I was such a better parent before I had kids.