New mom frustration #3: Realizing too late that your adorable baby has slept for the last five hours--and you have not.
A big welcome to any new readers and a hardy welcome back to people who have read this blog before. We have had some big excitement here. One week ago, we welcomed our fourth child (another daughter). I must say--unbiased as I am--she is beautiful. For those of you scoring at home this makes one boy (my oldest, will be 7 soon) and three girls (second oldest is 4 and former youngest 22 months). Its all teddy bears and tea parties from here on out.
Having four children is like bringing home a new puppy times 1000. There is excitement, a lot of pee and poop, some crying, temper tantrums, and fighting over who gets to hold the new arrival. Plus tons of warnings and shouts of "Be gentle!!" --and the kids are excited too.
I started this blog with the birth of my third child to help ward off post partum depression. As anyone who knows me knows that it is a subject close to my heart. I had very few post partum symptoms last time, and I was hoping for the same experience this time.
So far, its not quite working out the way I thought it would. I am on an emotional roller coaster. I have energy bursts, crying jags, extreme annoyance--all of which are normal in the first week post partum. However, because I did not have this last time, I am annoyed that I feel it this time. I have been trying to figure out why I feel so tense this time and last time I felt so relaxed.
Of course there are obvious reasons why this time is more tense than last time. I have a toddler and new born now. I am much more tired. My older children have decided that now would be a good time to test the rules and see how crazy they can make mommy and daddy. Plus all three older children are in daycare/daycamp all day, five days a week so when they get home they are wild, running in different directions and generally not listening. I love that I have 8 hours a day to just focus on me and the baby, but I pay a price when they get home. The three to four hours from the time they get home to bed time are brutal--see my facebook status update if you have any doubt.
I feel like everything is moving in fast forward. Its like I have been on speed since the birth. Not sure what to do with myself. I am often to wired to sleep, but can't focus my energy enough to accomplish something simple like unloading the dishwasher.
We have decided this is the last baby. So I feel like I should savor every moment, because it is the last time I will experience it. I must admit that I am already sad that I won't get to feel the thrill of delivery again. Don't get me wrong, I won't miss labor or pregnancy, but I sure do love the moment when they put the baby on my chest. I would be lying if I said I did not enjoy the attention that a new baby and a big family brings.
Other than trying to rival that show "19 Kids and Counting" I am trying to find a way to process my feelings. I have decided to document my post partum journey. My plan is to post every Tuesday about my experience, from the moment of birth and as the journey progresses. I will still post about the joys/frustrations of parenting and life with four kids on other days of the week (So if you are not all that interested in babies/newborn/post partum, you may want to avoid Tuesdays). I would like to do a series so that I can look back and remember the magic and joy that is having a new born.
I invite you to join me Tuesdays as I move through this post partum period. For my friends with older kids, maybe it will help you relive the magic, and for my friends who are still in the baby stage or about to go through it, I hope it will help you realize you are not alone. Be warned though, it won't always be pretty, sometimes will be gross and graphic. If you are squeamish, you may not want to read. For the not so squeamish, I will see you next Tuesday as the series begins.
PS: I welcome comments and feedback. I think I have the settings straight now so that you can comment here, or you can comment on the link as I post it. I look forward to having some interesting discussions.
P.PS: As a preview to the series, this is who I am writing about:
